Author: storytimesk

Emotions

Recently I started pondering if I’m happy. This question doesn’t sound so difficult at first, but I honestly don’t know the answer to it. Every single day is filling my head to the brim with various emotions and it became frustrating for me to understand how I actually feel. And  I’m not talking about times when I’m overwhelmed or frustrated. For instance I have no idea how I feel right now and it’s the weekend, I have nothing important to do and I don’t know if I’m happy or not.

I realize the fact that recently my life has been at least a little bit hard and frustrating and that makes me feel angry, but I at least like to think that I cope with these emotions well enough to not be influenced by them. Yet another problem presented itself, I started feeling indifferent towards some aspects of my life. It became extremely hard to force myself to go to work when I don’t really care if I get fired. It’s a peculiar feeling. The only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is the fact that I feel ashamed in front of my significant other.

Maybe it’s normal to feel this way. Maybe it’s just a short term thing and everything will fall into places sooner rather than later. To be honest I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just felt the need to get this out of my system and writing all of this isn’t as hard as talking. On the of chance that You feel similar or felt like this before feel free to leave a comment, I would greatly appreciate it.

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Raw process of my brain

Raw process of my brain

I just sat down and thought to myself that I want to write something. And I have so much topics in my head none of which are complete. So should I pick one half baked idea and try to finish it along the way or maybe I can just put this off and wait for my mind to settle? Well why not write about the fact that i don’t know what to write and see what comes out of it? There won’t be any opinions in this post or whining (I think), this is going to be this, so fasten your seatbelt, this is going to be a bumpy ride.

Does everything we do and we say has to have a meaning or is it fine to just say stuff? It doesn’t seem that we ever do stuff without a reason, we don’t even say anything without a reason. SPONTANEOUS DANCING DISORDER. There, i said something completely meaningless, yet, now this dumb mix of words has a meaning to me… Is there anything that our brains wouldn’t even try to identify? Well here you go, I just got a topic.

I like to ponder about the idea that every decision made creates a separate universe. If this were true, than just by saying “CONTAGIOUS HEDGEHOG COMBUSTION” I created another universe, where I did not say these words. And there’s no way to see how far apart from each other these two universes will drift away. But the fact is: even pointless things have a value. I just thought to myself, what if contagious hedgehog combustion was a thing? That would be terrible… funny, but terrible. BTW I love hedgehogs! Wait, is there a universe in which that is a thing? Huh, interesting. Well, it doesn’t matter, as long as spiders can’t fly in the universe that I live in, I’m happy.

Where was I? Oh, than if every action, word or even though has some weight to it, maybe we should be more careful in our lives so we don’t ruin any other universe. And here comes the twist: I have my own universe, you have yours, that guy or girl you really like has his/hers and every decision even the smallest one can change something for better or worse. Maybe in a chain of events you can hurt someone you care about just because you didn’t think things through. I should analyze my actions more, maybe the people I care for the most will become happier. Hey, why don’t you give it a try?

 

The life we all deserve

The life we all deserve

Work is a major part of everyones lives, so ideally we should all love our jobs, but more often then not this is not the case. Mostly we choose a job that pays more or is closer to home or the one with the best schedule, we rarely get to do the things we enjoy. It would be better for everyone if people could easily choose to do the things they always dreamt about. The question is: is this utopia where everyone finds their place possible?

There definitely are people who have their dream jobs. Actors, musicians, youtubers, writers, people who have their own little businesses. To my understanding they all have one thing in common, they started very young, some in their teen years, others even younger. But they weren’t successful from the get go, it takes a lot of time to reach your dreams, but it is definitely possible. But if we realize what we want to do for a living when we already have jobs and worries like rent, bills or maybe even student loans to pay, it is most likely too late, because we need to live now and we can’t afford to just throw everything away and hope that we succeed in a drastically different field of work.

Therefore, we should all try to change the world and the old fashioned system in which everyone has to know what they want to do when they become “adults”. We should be given an opportunity to find ourselves, to try different things at an early age. See what it’s like to work in one field or another. Well, maybe not our generation but our children or more likely our grandchildren should be given this opportunity. But it’s up for us to change the constants in every way possible. And the best way is to start with ourselves.

Even though we aren’t given a clear chance, we should still try to achieve our goals as hard as we can. Maybe try to make something of your free time, i know there isn’t much of it, but more often then not we just tell ourselves “why should i bother, I won’t succeed anyway”, but what if you do? Isn’t this thought alone worth trying? I hope it is and we will put effort into it. And what can you know, maybe in a decade or so we will be much happier with our lives then we are today. Or maybe we will at least have some experience to share with our kids, so they won’t have to go through all the things we had to fight through.

Loosing hope

Growing up I always thought that I will never leave the country I was born in. I thought that everything is possible if you put your mind and effort into it. To a degree I was right, but I didn’t take into account how my surrounding will impact my life. Oh how naive I was…

Envy. I never really understood this word growing up and now it’s a feeling I cannot shake off of me. I read about people who have their dream jobs, I watch videos of people who travel all over the world, I see people pamper themselves and I no longer think “I will be able to do those things when I grow up”. I already grew up, yet i cannot afford anything. And I genuinely try my best to become someone.

I work hard and I work well, everyone around my agrees, I do not spend money, I haven’t had a vacation in almost two years, yet i have nothing to show for it. And it’s all because i was born here and now. The economy is terrible, employers all around the country refuse to pay decent wages to people and there’s nothing I can do about it. The breaking point has finally reached me. Although I never though i would leave this peace of land I walked on all my life, I see no other option.

Once again, nothing here is easy, even leaving. I’m not a social person, I never had much friend and I don’t have close relatives. But if i want to leave I need some help, yet there is no one who can help me. Well it doesn’t matter, I always find a way to survive alone, I’ll manage again! Right? Well this time it doesn’t seem like it. In order to move somewhere alone I need a decent sum of money, but the reason i want to leave is because i don’t have any and I have close to none chances to get any.

To all the people who are in a tough spot, we will all get past it. And to those who live without concerns, be thankful for all that you have and I envy you.

The need of approval

The need of approval

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. These are only a few social networks and apps you most likely use. Chances are that you check facebook daily, maybe even every few hours. The question is: why? Do you need it? Do you even like using this network? Most of facebook users just scroll through their news feed just for the sake of it. Open facebook, scroll, scroll, like a picture of a “friend” you honestly don’t care about, scroll some more. Rinse and repeat.

Maybe you are an active user and upload pictures to the internet on a regular basis. Why do you do this? To share your experiences? Or maybe you’re just storing these photos so you can easily access them later? Than why you care if people like your picture or not? Just think about it. Do you check your newly uploaded picture if it got more likes and comments? If yes, why? Have you ever asked someone why didn’t they like your new post? I was asked that question quite a bit. Most likely you’re doing all these thing because you’re seeking other people approval without even realising it.

I am not judging you by any means. I am just trying to make you think for a while. Why do we care what other people think about us? It doesn’t matter what some bimbo on facebook think of you. It doesn’t matter what your friends think. The only opinion that matters is yours. But do you even have one? Do you make decisions, or do you wait for someone else to do it for you?

If you didn’t like what i have to say, good. That means i’m right. Maybe you’ll think about it and understand that you don’t need to be like everyone else. Maybe you’ll come to a realisation that other people opinions don’t matter. And maybe, just maybe you will start to think for yourself and make decisions without external influence.

Home

I just spent a few days at my parents. I took a stroll through the park that I always used to walk and it doesn’t feel the same. It’s not my home anymore. I passed a boy (now almost a man) who, when i lived there, was a chubby kid and now he’s all grown up has something similar to a beard (not really a beard) and is jacked. I saw some more familiar faces but they are all different. I enjoyed the walk, but it felt like a visit.

Nothing has changed at my parents home since I moved to another city, well just a few new things but nothing major, but I felt like a guest there. And i thought to myself, when did these walls that i spend around two decades at, stopped being my home? I still remember when I used to come back there all the weekends when I was a student, back then it still was my home. Maybe it all changed when I rented an apartment. But it’s rent! I don’t own it and I’m even forced to move soon. Given the situation, I came to a though, Do I even have a home?

Maybe some of us who rent don’t have a home at all. We might be living somewhere and feel comfortable there but at any moment we can be evicted. It’s scary to know that you don’t own anything, that you can’t change this or that in the place you live because in reality it’s not yours. Given the situation when will I truly have a home that I can change to my liking? Or will I never be able to make something my own? I guess only the future will tell and in the meantime my home will be where my loved one is.

Nationalism and Pride

Nationalism and Pride

Every individual has a nationality. Everyone has ancestors and relatives. We present ourself accordingly. But the flag we were born under does not define us. The family we have does not define us. The only thing that matters is how we act, how we treat others, what purpose we have in life and how we try to achieve it.

Nationalism is a disease and we should all avoid it as much as we can. None of us are great just because our ancestors conquered half of the then known land or that they slaughtered their “enemies”. You and I did none of these things (hopefully). Just as countless innocent people died in wars just because they were alien, so do some of us treat people different just because they are unknown to us. This is unacceptable and it has to change. People shouldn’t treat others better or worse because of their heritage. People should learn from history and history should teach that egoism, pride and nationalism most of the time kindle humiliation, hate and war.

All of the terms we call ourself are man made, all the reasons we feel better then others are pointless. There is a reason why groups of people formed tribes, tribes evolved to nations, nations joined alliances and unions. It is because we overcome our insignificant differences to protect ourself, to strengthen ourself. We are all equal, we are all human and we all should stand under the flag of earth. It is time to educate our kids to be tolerant and loving instead of nationalistic and proud.

I hope that one day there will be no countries, no disunity. I hope there will be peace and freedom. Freedom to go wherever you want, freedom to have an opinion, freedom to not be afraid.

“Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace… You…

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one”
John Lennon – Imagine

Attempting something new

Attempting something new

Hopefully everyone reaches a part in their life where all their views of the world change rapidly. Why hopefully? Because stagnation is one of the worst things in modern day society, but more on that in a future post. I’m starting to thing that i have matured enough and reached this breaking point. So, the point of this blog is to log my newly formed opinion on various topics.

Firstly, i’m have never written anything before in my life and this is another reason why i decided to do this. My goals of writing are to evolve my ability to express my thoughts and improve my vocabulary,  but most of all i want to push myself to attempt new things, provoke myself in different ways, to simply put, better myself.

Few thing to note:
1. I’m writing this for myself, for my enjoyment.
2. This won’t be a strictly planed blog. I will write inconsistently both in topics and in intervals between posts.
3. Most of the problems i’m planning to address and the ways i experience them are from my point of view, from the country i live in.
4. I’m not writing in my mother tongue. There will be mistakes. A lot of them.
5. I’m not forcing my opinions on anyone. Also i’m not conservative and my views change when they’re challenged.

Hopefully this is just the start and i will keep pushing myself to try new activities as much as maintain the ones i have chosen to take on.